


Playground

by Prompt_Master



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jeremy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 19:38:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12019596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prompt_Master/pseuds/Prompt_Master
Summary: "Please don't cry, I can't stand to see you cry"





	Playground

Everything always happened so…fast. One second you’re living on air, happier than ever with your best friend by your side. And the next second you’re having a full on breakdown in the middle school playground.

It was about say 8 o clock at night and the sun was starting to set. Michael and Jeremy had been out all day at Dave and Busters and decided it was time to head back. They walked there, it was a bit of a far walk yes, but there was something about it that gave the two of them nice downtime. Especially the walk back. They were exhausted and walked side by side, shoulders touching with ease, a calm comfortable silence around them as the air got cool and clean. It was nice, it was relaxing. 

Or it usually was. 

But today was not an amazing day for Jeremy. It was great for Michael, he could tell that smile was genuine. So what right did he have to ruin that after all he’s done? So what if the SQUIP was bothering him again. It’s fine, he could handle this. 

‘You can’t handle anything, Jeremy. You can’t even handle your own life.’

Jeremy took a deep breath to steady himself during their walk, the back of his hands touching against Michael’s with ghost like softness. He saw the way Michael’s ears turned red, the little smile he failed to hold back. It was adorable. He just wished he could focus on it.

Turns out when things are quiet and peaceful, the SQUIP is the exact opposite. Without a distraction it was so much easier for them to scream at Jeremy constantly. It was fucking obnoxious, it felt like he was being buried along with the titanic at the bottom of the ocean. 

'Perhaps that is where you belong, Jeremy’

'Shut. Up.’

He felt his fists clench tight at his side, his muscles all unnecessarily tense by an outsiders view. Just ignore him. That’s all you gotta go. But its really hard to ignore that voice telling you to die and that you’re the most selfish person to be born. Jesus maybe they were rig-“

"Dude! Check it out!” Michael’s way too pleased yell instantly took tension out of Jeremy’s shoulders, like steam rising in a sauna. When Jeremy looked up Michael was pointing excitedly at a chipped paint playground.

Oh. The one they used to hang out at all the time in middle school.

“Woah Michael what are you doing?” 

'He’s leaving you of course’

Not now SQUIP. Michael was currently jumping over the fence to the playground, his face lit up with a giant smile. He looked so at peace with the world that Jeremy knew then he wouldn’t be able to stop him.

'That’s rather gay Jeremy’

Oh my god. He rolled his eyes and followed Michael over the fence as the other ranted.

“Dude we had so many good times out here! Remember that time Jake busted his ass by missing the fireman pole? That was amazing!” 

Jeremy laughed as he jumped down from the top of the fence to the floor, having to be caught by Michael. Jeremy felt his face heat up at the strong arms that held him, for a moment he considered staying there. But a small shock to his back had him jumping away. 

He ignored Michael’s small frown and laughed it off, “Yeah man, you remember how we used to play our DS’s under the stairs? That was some good times, had the perfect lighting.” 

Michael’s face lit up again, he grabbed Jeremy’s hand and dragged him over to the playground. “Dude remember all those kids who tried to climb the tunnel up there?”

He pointed up to a yellow tube to crawl to a second part of the playground. It was the highest point too. Michael turned and smiled at Jeremy. 

“Yeah, of course I remember”

“You were always too scared to climb it” 

'You’re always too scared to do anything, Jeremy.’ 

Jeremy’s breathing hitched, but he kept going, “was not! I just didn’t want to.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

“Then do it right now! Come on me and you, like old times!”

“What?!” But Michael was already dragging him up the stairs.

'What’s wrong Jeremy? Are you going to run away from your problems like you always do?“

'That’s not what I do…shut up’

'After all you’ve done to Michael you think he deserves for you to be afraid again?’

'You don’t know what you’re talking about.’

'For once can’t you put in the effort for someone other than yourself? You’re disgusting. Terrible. Why are you even around’

"Jeremy? Dude are you-”

“Shut up!!”

Jeremy snapped his eyes open in realization that, shit, he’d said that out loud. Michael was staring at him in shock, the two of them now sitting on top of the tube with their legs dangling off. In the back of his mind Jeremy registered a little broken leaf falling down to the ground. He tugged his jacket closer to him, trying to avoid Michael’s frozen face.

'You always mess up.   
This is why no one likes you.  
This is why Michael’s grown distant, why Christine broke up with you.  
You don’t know how to listen, or behave, you can’t do anything right.  
You were so much more likable with me.’

Jeremy felt tears burn his eyes, he bit his lip and quietly mumbled an apology, his voice cracking. He didn’t mean to yell at Michael, why was he always hurting him? 

Michael’s voice had grown soft, a hand on Jeremy’s knee, two of them suspended in air in a quiet calm playground. “Jeremy? Are you ok?” 

Jeremy refused to make eye contact and nodded “yeah. Yeah uh- I should..I should go” Jeremy began to lift his legs up to steady him self on solid ground but found his foot slipping. Michael had to hold onto him to keep him from falling. 

'As usual, you can’t even keep yourself upright without help.’ 

Jeremy let out a shuddering breath, when he sat back down with Michael’s help an arm was placed around his shoulders. He was pulled close, his head falling down onto Michael’s shoulder. Michael smiled at him, “it’s ok dude. Just chill out.” 

'You hear him? He wants you to be more chill. He wants me back. Even Michael thinks you’re better off listening to me.’

'He hates you, dude’

'Just like he hates you. You’re disgusting. Useless, unlovable. Don’t you ever wonder why your mother left? It’s because she had a disappointment she couldn’t handle raising anymore, don’t you ever wonder why she doesn’t leave any messages for you?’ 

At this point Jeremy felt cold, the wind sensitive against his face. Every brush felt like he was being chilled to the bone, the only thing to ground him was Michael. Michael who rubbed his hand up and down his arm, Michael who allowed him this moment of weakness. 

'And you, who caused Michael weakness.’

Jeremy felt a sob reaching up, he leaned forward with his face tensed into a broken expression. He saw tears hit wood chips below them, he felt his shoulders shake, he felt his breathing shake. Everything was just shaking. 

At first Michael didn’t understand what was going on, and worried Jeremy was hurt. But then his eyes followed the drops of water that were falling to the ground…from Jeremy’s face. He frowned as Jeremy’s small tears grew to full on sobs, and turned so that he had one leg on each of the tubes sides. 

He turned Jeremy to be the same way, facing him, and brought a hand to the side of his face “no no no, Jeremy…please don’t cry, I can’t stand to see you cry.”

'Once again, you’re hurting him’

Jeremy sobbed harder, holding onto Michael’s hand, “I-I’m sorry…fuck I didn’t- I ruined our date I’m so sorry-”

“Hey. Hey it’s ok don’t worry about it. Just let it all out man.”

Jeremy held onto Michael, his nails digging into red fabric. His sobs echoed through the middle school blacktop. The night had come completely, darkness covering up the two boys hanging out at the playground. Jeremy felt his face flush embarrassment, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die, feeling like there were a million eyes judging him through the trees.

A hand traced up his face gently and wiped the tears away. Jeremy looked up at Michael, who was sporting a sad smile.

“I-it’s the SQUIP. I just- he’s hard to ignore and-”

“I know. It’s ok Jeremy, you’re doing just fine.”

Jeremy felt headphones cover his ears, he brought his hands up to touch the white sides with an “R” and “L” on their respective sides. Michael scrolled through his phone for a moment, before the final boss theme of Apocalypse Of The Damned came on. Jeremy chuckled weakly, exhaling as the music drowned out the SQUIP’s voice. 

A hand gently grabbed his, “Come on, Jer…let’s go home.”

Jeremy nodded, and with Michael’s help made it back over the fence and past their secret under-stairs taking spot. Jeremy could almost see his younger self watching him, he wondered how disappointed little Jeremy would be in him. He shook that thought away, still holding onto Michael’s hand. He stepped onto a leaf, satisfied with the crunch it gave, imagining it as the SQUIP. 

“As long as I get to sleep over.”


End file.
